New Jersey Bridge Scandal - A Plot To Keep Jerseyites Out Of New York
(ACPA-New York City, NY) "Hey, New Jersey - still having trouble getting over the bridges? Well, it's time you stopped kidding yourselves that Chris Christie caused the problems. It was us, yeah us - New Yorkers baby, we did it!"
"What, you surprised?"
Well, hear it loud and clear - we don't want you here, don't you get it? Hell, we wish the Hudson river was ten miles wide and full of frickin' crocodiles."
"And no, just because the PATH train goes to Manhattan, it doesn't mean you really kinda sorta live in New York. You're in Jersey and we wish you would just stay there."
"Oh I know, I know, you'd like to live here but you know what? You don't. You don't have the drive to make it here so all you can afford is the other side of the river. And even if you had the money, you'll never have the class. So stick to your low rent, crime infested, corrupt little towns please."
"Hey, if you want to visit a city, why don't you take a drive south and visit Philly instead. That's if you can make it past the idiot drivers on your pain-in-the-ass turnpike. And by the way, I can pump my own gas. It's really not that difficult."
"Or why not just stay on your barstool whining to friends that you are not ashamed to be from Jersey. Of course you shouldn't be ashamed - what with all those gold chains you own, your gum, your girlfriend's teased hair. And your lovely tracksuits. So much to be proud of."
"Say what? Yew want to go-in-to-duh-siddy?"
"You'll be coming in a white limo then won't you? Could ya leave a tip for the driver this time? Oh, you might take the bridge and tunnel instead? Well, we'll soon fix that for good. But, if you make it, don't fuhget to dress better this time. Because usually you just look like a Jur-zee Dewsh-bag."
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