Ireland's Leader insists naked portrait will stay in National Gallery!
For immediate release: Prince Casbyian?
(ACPA-Dublin) Disgusting, tasteless, and offensive. That's the conclusion of a scandalized Irish population whose citizens took to the streets in protest at the unveiling of a nude portrait of their Prime Minister.
"Oh it's more than gaudy," said Nora Doran of Drimnagh, after her recent visit to the National Art Gallery. "I mean the Dutch Masters and their portly ladies that's one thing, but a fat whale from Offaly, it's just lurid."
The erotic art's egregious effect on the public is well illustrated in the case of Dentist Mike Herrington. He explained that while drilling into a patient's tooth, an image of the naked leader appeared on a TV monitor beside the patient's chair. "My hand slipped at the horror and I drilled a hole into the poor fellow's gum. Before I could check my legal liability, the fellow jumped up and thanked me profusely for distracting him. 'Drill me again, he begged'."
However an unrepentant PM, Brian Cowen, insists that the painting will stay. In a conversation with investigative journalist Kerrie McMahon of Ireland's "Sunday World", Cowen pleaded his case in his trademark dulcet tones. "Every Irish leader is entitled to one portrait in the gallery and just because I choose to show my delectable body, well would you hold it against me?" he asked. "May I also thank the gallery for how well hung I look," Cowen added with a seductive wink towards the ambivalent journalist.
Opposition politicians are claiming that the scandal is just political chicanery from a beleaguered politician hoping to distract the public from the nation's economic woes. But fears are growing that if the tactic works, other Irish politicians will get on the naked portrait bandwagon. "Ah jaysus," said one Dubliner, "if Mary Harney starts getting ideas, I'm moving to America."
The overburdened national health service is under further pressure, with an influx of people demanding electro-convulsive therapy to help them forget the image. However, one North Dublin girl did seem to like the painting a lot, claiming it made her "drop her chips" when she saw it. And ladies, if you've been lucky enough to socialise in North Dublin, you just might agree with her.
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