Own a black guy for a month during Virginia's confederate history month
Hey, it's the cultural context, stupid!
(ACPA-Richmond,VA) Tens of thousands of African Americans are going on the auction block as part of the festivities to commemorate Virginia's Confederate History Month. Black residents of the state received details about the "new summer jobs program" in a letter delivered statewide yesterday.
"Oh, I can't wait to own one," said Joan Darden of Roanoke. "The Mexicans went home because of the recession and I can't get anyone to fix the yard." Neighbor Fran Joyner agreed: "it's nice to go back to the good old days. Besides, the Hispanics were very small too. I quite fancy having a big black man oozing sweat in the backyard, but don't tell Mr. Joyner I said that!"
"No, no, it's not a step backwards," insisted event organizer State Senator John Niland (R). "They will only be slaves for a month, after that they can go back to their regular jobs as janitors, crack whores or whatever else it is they do. Some uppity folks might have to stay on a bit longer though, if that's for the better."
In a nod to other tasks that some of the new slaves will be expected to perform, Senator Niland noted, "We're going to show Obama we can get roads built without his federal stimulus money. We care about the deficit."
Doesn't amount to Diddly
"The civil war was not about slavery, it was about State's rights - we just wanted to have the right to have slaves, we didn't actually want to own slaves, although, I mean, yes, we did own slaves, but that's beside the point. And I mean to say slavery was a terrible thing too, but the federal government has no right to tell us that! So we are protesting having a black President by celebrating the memory of traitors who died to defend slavery, no, wait that didn't come out right either," said Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell (R).
In an effort to demonstrate the progressive outlook of the State, many of the auctions are expected to take place on eBay. Prospective buyers will also benefit from Twitter updates and a Facebook page.
Meanwhile, President Obama was being strongly advised to stay in DC for the next few months, unless he "fancies doing some yard work for Governor Bob." Often mentioned as a possible VP-candidate, McDonnell noted, "Obama would make a great gardener, strapping fellow like him, my wife and I would love to keep him in the White House after his term is up."
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