Sex and the City: The Sunset Years
by Diane de Anda
Girl talk about the trials and tribulations of getting older. (Of course, the girls never admit to being "old," just "older";)
Samantha: "It was so much easier when all I had to carry in my purse was a condom. Now I need to lug around a bottle of Viagra and a defibrillator."
Carrie: "What I hate most is getting ripped off. Can you believe it took my whole Social Security check to pay for a pair of orthopedic Manolos!"
Charlotte: "Money is never an issue for me. I'm willing to pay anything if someone can find some Depends I can wear with my thong."
Miranda: "What I can't take is the emotional roller coaster since my estrogen dropped. It was so much better when the closest I came to feeling an emotion was an occasional orgasm."
Samantha: "And how are things between you and Big, Carrie?"
Carrie: "There's not much between us since he isn't that Big anymore, if you get my drift."
Charlotte: "Remember, size only matters when you're talking about your apartment in Manhattan."
Samantha: "Or their IRA. Personally, we always have an agreement: if they can't deliver, I get compensation."
Carrie: "Samantha, you don't mean they pay you! What kind of a relationship is that?"
Samantha: "Of course, not. They just have to pay for someone who can deliver. Look, they've just gotten the services of the most experienced, non-professional, in Manhattan. Don't you think we girls are entitled to some satisfaction too?"
Charlotte: (Makes a face and shakes her head slightly.)
Samantha: "And what was that, Charlotte--judging me again?"
Charlotte: "Oh no, it just was a shock to hear you say "girls."
(All four giggle.)
Carrie: "That reminds me. We have to synchronize our Botox treatments so we can still look good, but be able to have some expression beyond the dead fish look for my book signing party in a couple of weeks."
(Carrie lifts up her copy of: Retirement: Looking for a Man Full Time)
Samantha: "Talking about the doctor's office, what does your firm say about my medical malpractice suit, Miranda? "
Miranda: "They've decided to take it. The doctor should have warned you ahead of time that when they took the fat from your butt for your breasts, that the cellulite might come with it too. And no hiding the evidence until after the trial."
Charlotte: "What is she talking about, Samantha?"
Samantha: "Oh, all right, I'll wait." (Samantha sighs.) "I've found this tattoo artist in the Village who has created a fabulous design using the cellulite. My breasts will become works of art, and I need to have it done for the exhibition, I mean exhibit, at the end of the year."
Charlotte: "Oh, how I miss working in the world of art and culture." (Charlotte sighs.)
Carrie: "Look, it's getting late, and our shuttle to Haven in the Hamptons is waiting outside. When we get there, let's have a shot of vodka and Metamucil before our afternoon nap."
(The four get up, grab their walkers and shuffle towards the door.)
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