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Conservatives Celebrate Kennedy Misfortune

For immediate release: Is Ted Dead?

(ACPA-Little Rock) Embittered conservatives nationwide put the hoe down, kicked off their shoes and started the Ted Kennedy Death Dance, in hopeful anticipation of the demise of the much hated Massachusetts Senator. Along with Healthcare, Homos and Hillary, Kennedy's Hyannis is considered one of the four H's of the Liberal Apocalypse and right wing conservatives have not felt this fired up since Bill Clinton was impeached for overseeing the greatest economic expansion in US history.

Kennedy, standard bearer for the most famous name in American Politics, has had a varied career. With a strong position on Gun Control, a pro-immigration outlook and support for minimum wage increases he has become a hated liberal. This despite a willingness to cross political lines and make deals with Republicans.

However despite decades of political successes his rising star was permanently tarnished in 1969, when he caused the death of a young woman in a car accident and then failed to report the event to the police.

Initial reports that Kennedy's condition is much improved failed to dampen down the conservative merriment. Many continued to enjoy the moment as a last hurrah, before 8 years of Bush and Cheney comes to a stunning end next November.

"Why we might have a liberal in the White House and not even a white one either, I mean it's called the White House for a reason you know", said one dancer at a Ball in the Arkansas Governors Mansion. The Governor quickly apologized for his excited guest, saying that there is, "Nothing wrong with having a liberal in the white house, nothing wrong with that at all." Conservative talk show hosts also took up the theme with many ranting eloquently with self righteous sincerity while taking calls from loquacious hicks.

Meanwhile Europeans continued to look on in amazement at the bitterness of the American Left Right Divide with many noting, "Their country is falling apart yet all they can do is dance on a man's grave"?