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Pope Beautified - Was He Really That Ugly?

For Immediate Release: Beautification? WTF?

(ACPA-Rome) Catholics are a weird bunch. Modern day cannibals it seems, eating Jesus's body every Sunday and drinking his blood. Maybe that's where Hannibal Lecter got the idea for Chianti with his meals, I don't know, I'm just saying. Doesn't sounds very appetizing does it? To be fair, the Catholics are alright, they stopped mass murder for God a long time ago, and they don't go mad over cartoons, or, ahem, short articles about dead Popes, right?

But still, nothing beats their latest move. They were worried the Pope's corpse was getting messed up so they just dug it up to beautify it. "Jesus," I said when I heard it, "are you serious?" Well apparently so! Beautification is a big deal for Catholics and they pray for it all the time. Couple of miracles and up you come for beautification. I mean you'd think it was Hollywood with it's plastic surgery the way they are going on about it.

And who would have expected this from Catholics, Jesus being such a simple guy and all that. Mind you, they're really into wearing the Sunday best, they take that very seriously, and look at the Bishops and Cardinals with their fancy robes and hats. It's the gayest thing since Christmas.

They say it takes prayer and a miracle to be beautified, a lot of collagen, implants and makeup more like it.

They're displaying his blood in a vial. Seems they collected his blood, what - are they Vampires? Next thing his beautified corpse will be in a glass case. Ugh to all that. I'm only saying.

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