Belgian Horror over Budweiser Takeover Proposal
For immediate release: STELLLAAAAA
(ACPA-Bruges) Belgians today reacted in shock and horror at the news that National Brewer InBev has made an unsolicited bid to purchase Anheuser-Busch and its Budweiser products.
With more than 450 magnificent craft beers, Belgium has been known world-over for centuries as the home of quality beer. Now there are fears that their long established reputation may be irreparably damaged by association with a beer as awful as Budweiser.
"It's really a soda not a beer," said Jean Christophe Flanders, while sipping a Westvleteren Trappist Ale, poured in a glass specially designed to accentuate the taste. "Look they drink it straight out of those awful cans, unless they happen to have a red plastic cup to pour it into, maybe even with ice," he added, struggling to hold back a retch.
In a demonstration as spontaneous as the fermentation that produces Lambic, hundreds of beer lovers boated along the canals of Bruges to Burg Square and then marched to the Haklve Maan brewery, where a rally heard speakers denounce the proposed alliance.
Websites have sprung up across Belgium opposing the deal as being, "against the National Interest" and the Prime Minister is hoping to holds talks with Republican Gov. Matt Blunt of Missouri, to see if he can be persuaded to speak out against the deal. Barely able to hide his desperation the Belgian leader pleaded, "I know the US economy is in turmoil and they need the investment, but couldn't they maybe sell it to the Chinese instead?"
Meanwhile, the Brussels Beer Festival is considered to be at risk as beer lovers worldwide put their travel plans on hold while they wait for the outcome of the transatlantic beer war.
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