Apples - Britians new tool against terrorism

July 2007 For Immediate release: Center inspires UK anti-terrorist drive

(ACPA-Atlanta) The people of Britain have long being famous for their terrible diet of fried Mars bars, black pudding and warm beer. But until today, the only side effect has been a propensity for loutishness and high blood pressure.

However the food policy division of the Center for Policy Analysis has uncovered a highly potent new side effect - increased terrorism. "Health problems have come with the declining diet," stated Center Director Ronald Pecorry, "and with the health problems came overseas doctors, many of whom we now know are terrorists".

Tools against Terrorists ! Recently installed British Prime Minister Gordon Brown stated that his administration intends to respond to the new report with a major campaign to encourage people to eat more apples.

In a reference to a terroist attack by 2 immigrant Iraqi doctors in the UK, Brown noted that, "Center research confirms that an apple a day does indeed keep the doctor away and we need fewer Doctors so we can secure our nations health and safety."

"It will also be a great help for our under-funded National Health Service," he added, in a rare jovial mood, brought on by the end of his ten-year wait for Blair to step down and give him the UK PM job.

With indications that the next terrorist threat will come from Basra based Opticians, the PM also announced a new partnership with the Center to look at the possibility of including carrots in the campaign.

end press release