Hillary Pokes Ahmadinejad With Her Umbrella
For immediate release: Arab Virgins Express Concern
(ACPA-Bahrain) President Obama's foreign secretary, Hillary Clinton, took center stage from her boss this week, with a paradigm-shifting claim that the US would create a "democracy umbrella in the Middle East, if Iran succeeds in developing Nuclear weapons."
Rejecting the loud-mouthed, aggressive strategy of the previous Administration, she claimed the US would now take the higher moral ground. "We will build a bulwark against Iran by pushing for democracy, not weapons, across the region," she said adding, "now that would be change we can believe in."
However, her threat to give democracy to Middle East Governments was greeted with dismay across the region, as Arab populations considered the prospect of dealing with equality and freedom. In smoke-filled coffee shops, Arab men worried they might have to do menial household chores instead of sitting around all day doing nothing. Saudi males wondered if women might be allowed to drive while one Syrian businessman asked a reporter, "will I have to stop lusting after white women?"
Arab women expressed hopes the chadoor will be replaced by a male blindfold. But one worried Jordanian teenager, Noor Awadi asked, "Will I have to starve myself like the Western girls, or lose my virginity in the backseat of a car?"
Others wondered if the elections would be stolen before or after the vote.
However, according to the BBC, Israeli government minister, Dan Meridor, said Mrs Clinton's words signaled that the US was becoming resigned to the idea that the area will one day develop democracy.
"This is a mistake," said Mr Meridor. "I think it would be more appropriate not to accept the premise that the Middle East will turn democratic but to try to prevent this, otherwise we might have to negotiate in good faith with the Palestinians, and that is not acceptable."
Many Arab Governments privately agreed. One Lebanese official asked, "What will we do with our 'Death to America' banners if she does this?"
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