Sanjay And Subodh Discuss The Mumbai Blasts
by Subroto Mukerjee
Sanjay: The worst thing about the serial blasts in Mumbai: I survived it so now you have to listen to my jokes!
Subodh: What happened here only goes to show that we Mumbaikars can take a terrorist strike in our stride! You should have seen the long strides I took to flee!
Sanjay: Fitness experts here now recommend that we jog in areas like Dadar, Opera House and Zaveri Bazaar. Places that really motivate you to run!
Subodh: According to our Home Minister P Chidambaram, this attack was not due to our intelligence failure. I agree. The intelligence failure lies with those who elected this clown and those who made him the Home Minister!
Sanjay: Why is he still here? We made him Home Minister because we wanted him to stay at home!
Subodh: In India, we have several very hard-working intelligence agencies, who are now working overtime ... to pass the buck as fast as they can!
Sanjay: Hearing of the blasts, at first our Bollywood stars panicked! Then they heaved a great sigh of relief - it was not their blockbusters bombing at the box-office that people were talking about!
Subodh: And while the Emmies were in the US news, we had the Hammies for best 'sincere public performances by a celebrity!'
Sanjay: Rahul Gandhi pleaded with us to look on the bright side. According to him,99 percent of terrorist attacks are averted in India. What a consolation!
Subodh: I tell you, such are the big, gaping chinks in our defenses, let alone goddamn terrorists, Godzilla could crawl into the city of Mumbai and not be seen!
Sanjay: As expected, with his one-track, one-crack mind, Raj Thackeray blamed the terrorism on the migrants! The same poor migrant labourers who are brought to Mumbai, paid a pittance, compelled to live on the roadside in these heavy showers so they can put their blood, sweat and tears into erecting the flyovers and skyscrapers for this dream city! Thanks Raj, but that's not helpful.
Subodh: As for the average Mumbaikar, on top of the spiraling price rises, he now has to pay the bitter price of terrorism!
Sanjay: Sonia Gandhi, Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh and company flew down to Mumbai with their heavy Z-category security. And, on this occasion, they really needed it! Mumbaikars are ready to lynch someone!
Subodh: You know, the bad news is that our magnificent tigers are an endangered species! But the good news is that our paper-tiger politicos and VIPs are safe and sound ...ducking and cowering behind our Black Cat commandoes!
Sanjay:Tigers hiding behind pussycats! Only in India!