Rove Self-Marriage Ban Plan
For Immediate release: Rove's heartless departing shot
(ACPA-Atlanta) Researchers at the Center for Policy Analysis, have learned that departing White House Strategist Karl Rove, is leaving behind a gift to the Republican Party he helped bring to power. Apparently he is near completion of a white paper outlining a strategy to leverage self-marriage bans to get a Republican elected to the White House next year.
Roves earlier anti-Gay marriage strategy brought out the right wing vote and helped swing elections in favor of Bush and Republicans in 2004. His hope is that the new self-marriage strategy will repeat this success and fulfil his legacy as the third most hated figure of the Bush Administration.
Self-marriage, a relatively new phenomenon, is being promoted by activists as an alternative to staying single. It started initially when a late 30's woman, fed up with loser boyfriends and a ticking clock, went and married herself. There was little early reaction but momentum began to build when other women took to the new trend so they could go on couple's cruises with their friends.
Soon asexuals and single men were adopting self-marriage to get tax benefits from filing joint returns. But once Catholics, who felt guilty about masturbating, started to make inquiries with their parish priests, Rove knew he had found another way to deprive people of their personal happiness and get out the vote.
A spokesman for Rove said, "Marriage is a sacred act between strategists and right wing voters, who need to be constantly reminded that their way of life is threatened by liberals from New England." A spokesman for everyone else said, "Could you Republicans please get out of our bedrooms?"
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