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Imminent Suicide Bomber Shortages

For Immediate release: New Middle East Supply Crisis

(ACPA-Atlanta) Evidence is mounting that Middle East terror groups are facing an imminent shortage of suicide bombers. The expected deficit is a direct result of the demand for bombers driven by the dependence of western countries on middle-eastern oil, combined with the unexpected increase in demand for bombers from developing Asian countries such as Pakistan.

Researchers, browsing terrorist web sites, have learned that the price paid for a premium bomber has rocketed in recent weeks, with no relief in site. Terrorists are also concerned that an invasion of Iran will result in an embargo on the export of supplies by Teheran.

Sunni customers in Iraq are trying to move away from reliance on international supply, due to shortages of imports, and they are rapidly trying to develop a home-grown supply chain of suicide bombers. Researchers predict that the shortages will drive local restructuring of Al Qaeda in Iraq. "If the crisis continues heads will roll we expect," said research Director, Ronald Pecorry.

"In another surprising finding," noted Pecorry, "we have uncovered a growing fear among increasingly disconsolate Jihadis that the pervasive growth of western sexual values is resulting in fewer virgins in Heaven."