Animal Cruelty in Atlanta

For immediate release: Animal Cruelty Crisis in Atlanta

(ACPA-Atlanta) Nationally famous dog-fighting star, Michael Vick has found himself stuck in the biggest scandal to hit Atlanta since Scarlett O'Hara got drunk at the Fulton County Fair. (And that was bad - let's just say the 'Real housewives of Atlanta' look classy in comparison to her antics that day.) Anyway, I'm digressing, back to Michael.

For years, Michael has been a nationally renowned dog fighting trainer. His skills have earned him legions of fans. But there's more: he's not only a champion of animal sports - he also runs a highly valued gambling operation as an extra service for his customers. To cap it off, environmentalists consistently praise his preference for hanging dogs that could no longer fight - just to avoid using lead bullets; it seemed he could do no wrong.

A sordid secret life

The problem is that Michael has a highly disturbing other life. During his spare time he is quarterback for a football team known as the Atlanta Falcons. For the benefit of our European readers, American football is not soccer, a game that is less popular than dog fighting. It is a complicated game played by men with odd shaped balls, who run short sprints followed by 5 minute breaks for television commercials about large trucks and low quality beer. It's target audience includes mathematicians and statistical analysts.

Jury members arrive to the Atlanta courthouse,

	picture taken by Tanakwho, used under Creative Commons 2.0 licence While a very dull game, it is also extremely violent and it is this violence that has Michael in trouble. Although not terribly effective, the Falcons are a particularly cruel group. In the past year alone they have been in several staged fights with other animals and have killed a number of Panthers and Bengals. They also took part in a fierce fight with several Eagles and a group of Ravens.

Although not top dog, Michael has been arrested on charges of animal cruelty, because as quarterback he is ringleader of the fights. The Feds stepped in when they received a tip that a whole new season of cruelty was about to start.

PETA Protests

A jury has been selected and is on standby. Jury foreman, Tyson, an African American bulldog insists that Vick will get a fair trial. If convicted, Michael will spend a year in prison, although according to one report PETA is calling for the sentence to be served in dog years.

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