Deadly first strike from iPhone Kill-switch

For immediate release: iCant Phone?

(ACPA-Silicon Valley) Dozens of Americans are feared dead or seriously injured, following a first strike by Apple Inc's controversial iPhone Kill Switch. The attack came late yesterday evening and is believed to have been a direct retaliation against a group of customers who have been complaining too loudly about the quality of the 3G iPhone.

Solid-State Phased Array Radar System (SSPARS) radar in protective dome - obvious really An official at Apple Inc explained that "the level of criticism had become extreme," and with lawsuits starting, "we needed to act before things got completely out of control."

The kill switch was invented as a joke by a group of designers who worked on the new software as an unfunded pet project. "We thought it would be fun and never really expected it would have a real-world application," admitted a member of the coding team, "but it's turned out great and it beats on-line gaming any-day."

Apple Inc.'s CEO, Steve Jobs, who confirmed the existence of the remote kill switch to the Wall Street Journal, stated that, "hopefully we don't have to pull that lever very often, but we would be irresponsible not to have a lever like that to pull," adding, "we need to protect ourselves from pain-in-the-ass customers."

However, analysts questioned Jobs judgment and predict Apple's reputation as a consumer friendly company is likely to be damaged following the massacres. But the defiant CEO insisted, "We are in the wireless business now and we need to treat our customers just like all the other wireless guys do," adding, "I bet you can hear me now you (expletives deleted)."

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