Obama speech to include Waffle House menu excerpts
(ACPA-Washington, DC) Building on lessons learned on his historic trip to the Middle East, US President Barack Obama announced today that he will embark on a major tour of the American mid-west in an effort to improve relations with a region known for its hostility towards know-it-all, uppity folks, like him.
In a major speech, set to be delivered in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Obama will reach out a hand of friendship to disgruntled mid-westerners - those who believe they are stereotyped by Washington liberals as fanatical God worshiping, NASCAR obsessed, fashion victimized, confederate-flag waving, corn-growing, yokel hicks who live in places where everything closes at 9pm, including their beloved gun stores.
Leveraging his much-appreciated references to the Koran on his trip to the Muslim world, Obama's speech is expected to quote from the Bible and feature excerpts from the Waffle House menu. "Fried eggs and grits, hmmmm tasty," will be one of his catch-phrases on the tour, once someone answers the question: "What the hell are grits?"
The tour is scheduled to start in oil-rich Texas, which supplies 20% of US oil and on whom many people believe the US has become too heavily dependent. "We need to reduce our reliance on oil from a conservative fundamentalist State that is pushing a creationist agenda," commented Paul Krugman, in a recent New York Times Op-Ed.
However, Governor Rick Perry, known for his support of Texas separatist groups, was initially conciliatory in his response to Obama's proposed trip, saying that he "might consider reducing the pace of executions that week."
The President will then move on to Atlanta, where he will officially deliver an apology to the Mayor for the burning down of the City in November 1864, during the US Civil War. He will also apologize for the imposition of the Emancipation Proclamation, which he is expected to describe as an "extreme federal interference in State's rights."
While in Atlanta, he will propose a West-Bank settlement. West Bank was the 27th Bank to collapse this year in financially troubled Georgia.
Also laugh at So-called Hero Pilot Refuses to Lands Plane in Chicago River
Local Walmarts Fear Rise of Super-Walmart
Not Gay Senator to Visit Iran
Atheist Sees Image of the Big Bang in a Slice of Toast
or Click here for all our Satire News Stories
Thanks for visiting!