Rick Perry Promises National Day of Prayer for Jobs
(ACPA-Houston) Respected religious leader, secessionist and Texas Governor - that's Rick Perry. Speaking at a forum in the conservative State of South Carolina he said, "We need to focus on creating jobs, and if elected, I promise to hold a National Day of Prayer for Jobs. More prayer days have been held in Texas than in any other State, and if elected, I'm going to bring this nation to it's knees."
But it's not just prayer days that Perry hopes to leverage into the nation's top Job. "Since we brought in abstinence-only education, teenage pregnancies have rocketed. We are 50% higher than the national average and we need to repeat this success nationwide. Abstinence works. Except, of course, for the Virgin Mary, mother of our beloved Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."
Perry's success with the death penalty will also win over many conservatives. "I have executed more people than anyone else, even Dubya, and nothing demonstrates our commitment to individual liberty as much as our death penalty. We love it and we think you should too."
Perry is also trying to highlight his tea-party fiscal conservatism by his repeated attacks on Obama's stimulus package. "I have been vocal in my opposition to Obama's Federal stimulus funds, and have refused to take them, except for the funds I haven't refused to take."
With 160,000 new students expected to enter the Texas school system over the next two years, Perry has risen to the education challenge with a $4bn cut in public education funds. Perry's Texas administration also leads the nation in healthcare statistics, with a nation-beating 25% of the population lacking coverage. "I am going to gut Obama-care," he told cheering crowds. "Let's face it, we need a straight talking no-nonsense Texas Governor in charge, especially one who prays as much as me."
Texas Death Penalty to be abolished
Texan conservatives against new "put Jesus in public schools" law
Dr Pepper Found in Possession of Coke
Ireland 40 shades of Green Crisis
Shuttle Astronaut to be deported to Space
New Hummer Hybrid
or Click here for all our Satire News Stories
Thanks Stumblers, Redditors, DIGGers and everyone else for visiting!