Toyota's New Hybrid Pious
For Immediate release: New Toyota Pious!
(ACPA-Tokyo) In response to impending competition from the Hummer Hybrid, Toyota have announced a technical breakthrough to power their new Hybrid Pious. According to a staff reporter at Britain's Mardale Times , Toyota accidentally discovered a revolutionary new propulsion system, rechargeable by the personal smugness of the Pious driver.
Engineer Hanitsa explained, "when we attended focus groups for existing Prius owners, we were struck by their enthusiasm for driving such cars and their fierce opposition to traditional fossil fuel powered cars. We set up an experiment where we placed the owners in an MRI unit and scanned their brains as we asked them to tell us about their Prius experience. What we noticed was extraordinary."
Replaying a video of one such scan Hanitsa noted, "here you can see normal brain activity when the researchers are asking control questions about everyday mundane aspects of life."
"However you can see a marked color change to orange in the temporal lobe when the subject discusses their Prius. This signature change is present across the board in Prius users and it maps directly back to a feeling of moral superiority."
Researcher Jonathon Handle continued, "we mapped this mental state and discovered that the brain wave pattern had a unique frequency. When the owner is driving their Prius and sees a fossil fuel powered vehicle, his personal sense of smugness is increased hugely across this frequency. We built a detector to captures this energy and convert it to electricity for the batteries."
Hanitsa explained further. "We get a larger boost whenever the driver sees a large gas-guzzling V8; the self-satisfaction reading is almost off the scale. In fact, we have had to fit an attenuator circuit which cuts in if the energy generated gets too high. We get an extra boost from Hollywood stars as well of course, since their natural state of smugness is already significantly higher."
Local Toyota dealers are now taking advance orders for the new Pious and Hanitsa is particularly pleased that his own slogan has been taken up - "Toyota Pious - my smugness beats your smogness."
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