Economy Kicking the Bucket?
For immediate release: Bailing out the economy one bucket at a time
(ACPA-Wall Street, NY) The production of plastic buckets has rocketed as the government reacts to the continuing series of economic crises facing the nation. The initial boost came when foreclosed homeowners nationwide were sent a shiny new bucket as part of the Housing and Economic Recovery Bailout act that came into law in July.
"They are very handy for collecting spare change from motorists when you are living under a freeway on-ramp," said secretary of the treasury Henry Paulson, adding "now please excuse me I have a $10 million severance check to give to a Banking CEO."
But once money market funds, retirement accounts and individual banks started to collapse, the Fed stepped in with a new round of bailouts that will send buckets to individual investors across the country.
"They are a much safer place to put your hard earned cash," said Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke at a recent luncheon "and they fit nicely under the bed." In a note to investors though he added that, "there is a lot of risk with these programs but fortunately all of the risk is being borne by the taxpayer."
Hoping to improve his ailing legacy, President Bush is getting in on the action with his announcement of a bailout for the residents of New Orleans.
"I am very concerned that the people of that great city are not ready for the next breaching of the levees, so I have signed an Executive Bailout Order to send a 4-gallon plastic bucket to every resident there. These will no doubt come in very handy during hurricane season and can be used for serving crayfish when you're not bailing water out of your house."
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