Local Walmarts Fear Rise of Super-Walmart
For immediate release: Mom and Pop Walmarts Threatened
(ACPA-Bentonville, AR) The unrelenting spread of Super-Walmart stores across American suburbs has produced unlikely new allies for the coalition of activist groups who oppose the giant retailer. The latest members of the coalition are none other than the employees and managers of regular Walmart.
The behemoth Super-Walmarts have been slowly but inexorably destroying its smaller rival nationwide, wiping out long established Walmart stores, slashing the tax base, and making sprawling malls sprawlier. Finally, worried about the possibility of even lower paid workers taking their jobs, employees and managers at regular Walmart stores have said enough is enough.
The new Pro-Walmart activist group claims Super-Walmart is dragging down working conditions with their open-24 hours policies and a cavernous size that forces workers to walk for miles each day, along never ending aisles. "At least the aisles used to end in regular Walmart," said Jeanie, a Walmart employee in Gatesville Florida, (note if you are a corporate minion for Super-Walmart HQ, Jeanie isn't really her name, we made that up to protect her identity and no, there is no point in trying to guess her real name - Jeanie might even be a man and we could be just pretending she's a woman, bet you didn't think of that, minion!)
One manager poignantly pleaded, "I used to know all of my assistant managers but now, I only know those on the second shift, how am I expected to give tens of thousands of customers the level of individual service they have come to expect every day, if I only know the assistant managers on the second shift?"
Employees also worried about their career prospects with one employee, (we won't even hint at a name this time,) bemoaning his dashed ambitions. "I hoped to move from food stocking to sport equipment stocking, what chance have I got now against 300 other employees?"
Others expressed concern that they would lose their Walmart right to get free advice on how to take advantage of State funded healthcare. "I don't want to lose my healthcare information plan," fretted one employee.
All employees agreed though that there was one benefit that remains unchanged. The consensus was summed up by Peter Gurling, who asked us to say that he works the second shift of the electronics department, in Aisle 15 of the Alpharetta Georgia store, that's the one off exit 9 of the GA-400 (near Sears). Peter, who aspires to be a manager one day, went on record saying, "At least we still have the right to not join unions, the company has been really great on that one."