For Immediate release:Schwarzenegger Admits Starting Wildfires
(ACPA-Sacramento) Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted today that he was the cause of recent wildfires that wrought extensive damage to the exclusive Malibu area of Southern California. The Governor acknowledged that problems started when a future version of himself, in the form of a Version 2.4 T-Series Poly-Chromic Cyborg, traveled back in time to star in Terminator 4.
However, the arrival of his future self in a static ball of white electricity ignited a destructive fire North of Los Angeles. Later, an upgraded 2.5 model arrived with a mission to kill future-Arnold, but instead it inadvertently caused the Santiago fire that devastated Orange County.
I won't be back
The Cyborgs went on to cause multiple smaller fires as they raced frantically around Los Angeles in an attempt to kill each-other and people with the name John Connor. "I'm very sorry for all the damage that I have caused, I also want to apologize to all the recently demised John Connors."
"I want to assure the people of Kalifornia that I have declared Producer James Cameron an enemy of the State and will not allow him bring back future versions of myself anymore. I blame Hollywood really," he added in a nod to Conservative Republicans.
Friends of Gray Davis, the former Governor whom Schwarzenegger deposed in a recall election, say that California is now paying the price for electing a machine. Arnold supporters though were quick to remind everyone that compared to the Governator, Davis's gray demeanor was more machine-like and passionless. "Unlike Davis, Arnold is quite funny sometimes and that's not just by Austrian standards," claimed one supporter.
Back to the Future?
In a side note, Schwarzenegger also took the opportunity to deny that his future selves are attempting to go back to 1788 to prevent the US Constitutional ban on foreign born Presidents from ever being written.
Hopes that he might use that opportunity to insert a ban on Texans becoming President were dashed when scholars pointed out that Texas was not part of the Union in 1788.
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