War Coming to the US South
For Immediate release: Southern Water War
(ACPA-Atlanta) A new Civil War is expected to break out imminently in the Southern US, with Georgia set to declare war on Florida and Alabama.
The hostilities are being driven by a dispute over water shortages that have followed a severe and extended drought.
Atlanta's water supply comes from man made Lake Lanier, pictured on the right. The lake also provides water for power plant
cooling in Alabama and for aquaculture industries in Florida. However, Lanier is expected to run
dry in about 12 weeks with catastrophic consequences for Georgia's Capital City.
After weeks of negotiation, Georgia is now set to give up on efforts to persuade Florida and Alabama to accept cutbacks to their share of the water supply and the military option is now front and center.
Governor Sonny Perdue of Georgia has recalled several battalions of National Guard soldiers who have been fighting in Iraq for the past year and the Governors of Florida and Alabama are expected to follow suit.
President Bush has expressed concern that the withdrawal of troops from Iraq will make it harder for him to build water plants and other "vital infrastructure that the Iraqis so clearly need." But no-one cares what he thinks anymore, not even Georgia's millions of Bible-thumping Christian Conservatives.
Meanwhile the government of Bangladesh is transferring its advisors in New Orleans to Atlanta. They are expected to help the Georgia authorities learn more about the importance of infrastructure and how handy that sort of stuff is for civilians.
In a bid to stave off the crisis, Coca Cola, who have their headquarters in Atlanta, have said they will stop bottling the city's water supply and selling it for inflated prices under the brand name Dasani.
But every cloud has a silver lining and many New Orleans refugees stranded in Atlanta since Hurricane Katrina, are offering classes in riot, looting and general anarchy to fearful Atlantans.
Also laugh at
Obama to apologize for burning of Atlanta
Hilary Pokes Ahmadinejad with her Umbrella
So-called Hero Pilot Refuses to Lands Plane in Chicago River
Local Walmarts Fear Rise of Super-Walmart
Not Gay Senator to Visit Iran
Atheist Sees Image of the Big Bang in a Slice of Toast
or Click here for all our Satire News Stories
Thanks for visiting!