Appeal to America's Turkeys
For immediate release: Vote Push by Pain and McBush
(ACPA-Cleveland, OH) Sarah Pain and John McBush are making a last ditch push to persuade American Turkeys to vote for them in the upcoming election. Turkeys have traditionally been loyal supporters of the Republican party. They are independent minded creatures who hate getting health insurance or free transfers of wealth from exorbitantly rich Americans. The same rich Americans - free markets capitalists - who have no problem getting wealth transfers from other Americans. "Vacation Homes don't pay for themselves," as one astute Wall Street millionaire put it.
The Republican machine is hoping that turkeys, who consistently vote for Thanksgiving once it is described in patriotic terms, are swayed by claims they will be better off with four years of Pain and McBush, rather than the "socialist" alternative.
The pair, who remain unflapabble despite their declining poll numbers, also insist that they will keep the war in Iraq going for "as long as there are 17 year old's looking for a job." Some analysts think this may be a subtle appeal to America's Orthopedic surgeons, a large voting bloc, who have never been busier with the endless stream of broken bodies.
"We have been getting unbelievable experience, researching on 17 year old's who spent 12 weeks in training, 4 weeks in Iraq and then came home a cripple for life," said one emminent Doctor. Another, who emigrated to the US from Iraq, noted that, "with this knowledge we will be able to better help other Americans like retired Wall Street analysts or perhaps Senators, should they ever need some rehabilitative care."
Obama hopes though that the Turkeys will reject four years of Pain and look to a new future. "America's Turkeys, let go of your guns and your religion, say no to cranberry sauce and go to the polls for change."
Whether they will or not remains to be seen.
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