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A Chat at the Park: Occupiers, Tea Party and the NBA

by Reid Grosky

Tea Partier: Get off my lawn!

Occupier: Not a chance. City Hall Park is as much mine as yours. I pay taxes, too. And we're both among the 99%ers. I'm sure we have things in common, not including your holstered UZI.

NBAer: I'm packing, too; have to protect myself. People have been mad, what with games canceled. I'm hearing it at the club, believe me. I'll be laying off half my hangers-on. That won't help unemployment figures. All we wanted before the mediator stepped in was 53% of the league's basketball-related income.

Tea Partier: And here I thought 53% was your free-throw-shooting average.

Occupier: The NBA has joined the moneycrats when you could be helping the game you've grown too big for. Raise the basket, widen the court, do something major for your fans, like paying off their student loans if you win the title.

Tea Partier: Looking for handouts; I thought so. How did you occupiers raise that $300,000 I read about - a contribution from the sleeping-bag industry?

NBAer: Now that they've gone global, they should occupy the Olympics, develop a line of Occupying apparel.

Occupier: You don't understand. It's not money, money, money. We're anti-greed, against bailouts for the rich.

NBAer: Can't disagree. I was out on bail once myself. Appreciated it more than Wall Street seemed to.

Tea Partier: Occupiers are revolutionaries. Class warriors. A bunch of Cuban-bongo commies.

NBAer: Mark Cuban's a commie? Had me fooled.

Occupier: Way too much misunderstanding here. We're just going back to roots. As Tom Morello sang at one of our gatherings, "This Land Is Your Land."

Tea Partier: Give me Pat Boone's "Speedy Gonzales" any day. A reminder, at least to me, that we have to stop illegal immigration. It's one of the things we can't abide. We don't want anybody tinkering with our country - and for that matter with our god or our climate.

NBAer: Listen you two, we need to find some common ground. Look at that basketball court across the street. How about a friendly game of h-o-r-s-e? I'll spot both of you three letters. Winner gets 53% - a very fair amount - of the money the other two have on them. Only one rule: No free throws.

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