Huckabee to scare off Opponents?

For Immediate release: Huckabee launches IED attacks

(ACPA-Des Moines) In a chilling twist, the US Presidential campaign turned violent with Candidate Mike Huckabee announcing his intent to get rid of his opponents. In a nationally broadcast video, Huckabee is seen seated in front of a Christmas tree giving a seemingly innocent message to followers. However, Hucakbee admitted in a follow up interview that if the video is played backwards it contains a secret message, "Paul is dead, Paul is Dead, Paul is dead," telling supporters to bump off Ron Paul.

Huckabee goes for Rivals source Hours after the broadcast, a series of Improvised Explosive Devices hit a Ron Paul convoy in Northern Iowa, inside the infamous Snowy-Triangle. Several people were injured but Paul himself survived and is now in hiding. Meanwhile Rudy Giuliani was hospitalized, allegedly with "flu-like" symptons.

From Tirana to Tuskegee

Political violence is nothing new to Mike Huckabee. A former Governor of Albania, he had a feared reputation for scaring off rivals. However he was deposed in 1990 and fled to the United States where he changed his name from Hoxha to Huckabee.

At 400 pounds, he quickly blended into the Southern Unites States. However, some years later, in the first indication of his national political ambitions, he donated 230 pounds of body fat to an Iowa ethanol plant to shore up his credentials in the key primary state.

In a new video message released this morning to the large ethnic Yiddish population of Iowa, Huckabee is heard chanting the traditional Jewish greeting "yen mor txen, yen mor txen." Pundits are struggling to decode the tape for subliminal messages to his fanatical followers. Meanwhile the remaining Republican candidates are holed up in motels across Iowa under the protection of the elite Republican Guard.

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