Cows Converge On Copenhagen Climate Talks

A Quentin Shires story concept. Written by Ronald Pecorry.

At a press conference in Copenhagen today, embarrassed cows insisted they are being unfairly blamed for their "alleged" contributions to global warming. Speaking to reporters, four representatives of the International Bovine Association said that, "The time has come for Al Gore to stop libelling us with outrageous claims that methane expelled from the delicate bovine digestive system is causing global warming."

Cow jumping Typically shy and reserved creatures who avoid confrontation, the bovines felt compelled to act following the release of Gore's latest documentary, "The Truth Stinks."

The cows were flanked by several celebrities, including Sarah Palin, who insisted it was time for the world to stop making fun of every cow who expressed an opinion.

Bad Mood

However, the conference ended abruptly when a claim by the American representative that the jury was still out on global warming drew a frenzy of hostile questions from European reporters. All four cows then dropped steaming pies on the podium before storming off the platform shouting, "Have some organic fertilizer, you global warming hippies."

 Eat More Chicken Meanwhile, other cows protested outside a plenary session of the Climate Change committee. One impassioned young Friesian demonstrator said that, "It's tough for a girl to keep her dignity when she has her udders pulled four times a day. Another said she was tired of being artificially inseminated, insisting, "There is more to true love than plastic syringes and rubber gloves."

But after several hours of noisy protest, Danish police succeeded in breaking up the demonstrations. Climate change delegates were later given an unexpected treat of prime hamburger.

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