Arsenic And Old Lake - Bacteria Controversy

By Reginald Pecorry & Ronald Pecorry!

(ACPA-California) The discovery of a new life-form that builds its DNA from arsenic has shaken the scientific world to its core. One veteran scientist was overheard to say, "It's life Jim but not as we know it, not as we know it." The unsuspecting bacteria was found at Lake Mono, California and state officials moved quickly to declare it an endangered species. Elsewhere, creationists dismissed the story as a fabrication and condemned the emerging theory of unnatural selection.

 copyrighted image by Martin Siegel. Used with permission. News of the bacteria has generated political repercussions, with a newly invigorated Republican Party hoping to capitalize on the public's fear of the unknown. In a press conference held in his secret bunker, John Boehner stated that he will add the new life-form to the axis of evil. "This discovery of RNA replicators is a threat to our democracy. We must stand up and be prepared to defend our way of DNA from these arsenic invaders. They could assail the very building blocks of our civilization."

The tea party, a life-form that replicates on vitriol, supported the Republican proposal. Sarah Palin claimed the arsenic invader, "could potentially infect every prokaryotic cell before it gets any chromosomes. No nucleus is safe anymore." No really, she said that. No. Really. Her studies are paying off and she hopes to successfully talk down to Obama in the 2012 debates. (To bad that he's too bored for four more years in that job.)

Freak Show or Greatest Show?

Meanwhile, in England, evolutionary guru Richard Dawkins, has moved into his cellar to dig full-time for fossils. Standing in a four-foot hole, he took a moment to exclaim, "We cannot take the periodic table for granted anymore. Arsenic has always been below Phosphorous on the table. What has caused it to rebel now? Selenium could be next." Indeed it could, Richard, indeed it could.

(John Boehner Cartoon credit: Copyright, Martin Siegel.)

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