Romney admits smoking cigarette, claims he "didn't inhale."
(ACPA-Des Moines, IA) In a daring move, republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney disclosed that he once smoked a cigarette but quickly clarified that he "didn't inhale." Despite the risk to his squeaky clean image, Romney hopes the revelation of a youthful indiscretion will highlight his lesser known edgier side. He openly admitted to reporters that, "Back in Sunday school I was known as 'Dangerous-Mitt' until I changed my wayward ways."
But while his rebellious younger days may draw the disillusioned youth vote away from Obama, Romney continues to struggle to take a commanding lead in the republican primary race despite the implosion of a collection of bizarre lesser candidates.
His Mormon beliefs are a major barrier because ever since Christians stopped owning black people, they have reviled Mormons for their history of unequal treatment of blacks. Christians also resent Mormon polygamy because Christians are forced to commit adultery so that they can have sex with other people. "Newt never had the chance to have three wives at the same time, so you can't really blame him for his behavior," noted one Christian Conservatives who says he now supports Gingrich over Romney.
Romney's superstitious beliefs aside, he is particularly vulnerable to claims that he once cared about sick people while Governor of Massachusetts. Christian conservatives hate the sick, who they believe lack the initiative to go out and start their own companies, hedge funds or just plain get themselves jobs with health insurance. "People need to stop depending on the Government for their health care, education and pensions and just learn to stand on their own two feet," said a retired air force officer from South Carolina.
Meanwhile, pundits relish the prospect of an Obama-Gingrich face off. One commentator noted, "The fireworks will be awesome if Hope and Bluster collide head on."
Ron Paul has no last name shock
Texas Death Penalty to be abolished
Dr Pepper Found in Possession of Coke
Ireland 40 shades of Green Crisis
or Click here for all our Satire News Stories
Thank you for visiting!