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Ben Carson: the whole truth, well some of it anyway

(ACPA-Detroit, MI) Dr. Ben "Whispers" Carson admitted today that claims that he spent two years in the Hanoi Hilton in a cell next to John McCain might be an accidental fabrication. "I mentioned in one of my books that my soft spoken voice was a side effect of years of enforced silence as a POW in Vietnam. In a way that is not completely accurate but it's the liberal media who are bringing it up not me."

Carson, who in his early life beat his mother with a hammer and enjoyed stabbing close relatives, later put his manual dexterity to better use as a successful surgeon. A spokesperson for the Trump campaign noted that, "Ben no longer has complicated relationships with his family, only with the truth."

Eh, yeah, about that Oscar....

Carson, who once helped "protect several Hutus from Tutsi mobs," played himself in the low budget movie Motel-6 Rwanda. "No, I did not win an Oscar, that was an overstatement," he acknowledged Sunday on 'Meet the Press.' "Also, the movie has not quite been made yet."

As a Seventh Day Adventist, a religion founded on the belief that the Jesus would return in 1844, ("That did not happen either,") Carson appeals to working-class white Christians, a group who enjoy voting against their own self-interests.

If elected President, he will be the first black President since Barack Obama.

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