Bush to ban Greenhouses to stop Greenhouse Gas
For immediate release: Bush Ban Plan
(ACPA-Washington DC) After seven years of denial, President Bush appears to have finally accepted the existence of Global Warming. The surprising change of heart became apparent during a 15 minute press-conference held in the White-house Rose Garden. Bush admitted that after completing extensive research on the carbon emissions problem last Saturday, he has gained a new understanding of "this greenhouse gas effect."
"Greenhouses are emitting tons of gases into the atmosphere and are a scourge on the community, we need to stop this immediately. People should grow their vegetables and stuff outside and not in these unnatural structures, where they are damaging the environment," said Bush, speaking with uncommon clarity.
Resolving to take decisive action, he plans to work with Congress to "craft legislation to ban all greenhouses in the United States by the year 2025."
But recognizing "our addiction to vegetables," he intends to promote alternative edibles including subsidies to switch away from "massive solar farms" to "vegetables farms instead."
Bush's previous denials of global warming have been variously attributed to his fundamentalist Christian beliefs, his multitude of friends in the oil and gas industry or just plain old parochial ignorance.
But there was no denying the sincerity of his new mission, which insiders said is part of an effort to build a lasting legacy for his presidency. "He wants to do something that people won't forget for years to come and he hopes ban on greenhouses will be something which future historians can use to judge his presidency," said one source.
However, gardeners across the nation reacted with shock and disbelief at the proposal and several of them are believed to be planning to throw stones, which they certainly shouldn't do.
In another initiative to reduce American's carbon footprint, he will introduce a ban on shoes manufactured from carbon. He is also planning a cap and trade system which is expected to be favorable to hat makers in the North-East.
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