Vuvuzela Recitals Disrupted By Annoying Soccer Players
(ACPA-Johannesburg) Tensions are rising in South Africa as groups of annoying footballers continue to disrupt the world vuvuzela meet-up and South African police seem incapable of acting to stop the crisis from escalating.
Hoping to showcase South Africa as a center of world culture, the sub-Saharan nation offered to host a series of vuvuzela recitals at venues across the country. However, the dream has soured with soccer players taking advantage of the opportunity to practice shirt pulling, diving and dramatic acting.
It's an Instrument not an Interruption
Despite criticism from some intellectuals that it "sounds like a goat on the way to slaughter," the vuvuzela is loved for the simplicity of it's notation structures and easy breathing techniques.
"I spent ten years getting rapped on the knuckles by my bitch of a piano teacher," said John Haywood of Lincoln, UK. "But after all that practice, the most I ever achieved was a classroom recital where I murdered Bridge Over Troubled Waters. After four days with my vuvuzela, I'm playing at the international level. It's the common man's grand piano."
"I used to be second violin at the NY symphony," said Hal Frost of White Plains, New York. "Can you imagine how boring it is to be second fiddle all the time? As soon as I heard about Vuvuzela 2010, I bought my ticket."
So far the police have only managed to deport a bunch of French whiners whose interruptions of the music were particularly disturbing. But pressure for decisive action is growing with millions worldwide joining the Facebook group, "Ban football from vuvuzela events."
Meanwhile, Swedish scientist Lars Hallsberg of the Lund Science Academy has invented a TV image filtering device which allows viewers to screen out the football, while elevating the vuvuzela harmonics. "I just hope I can perfect it in time for Qatar2014."
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