Upcoming Prayer Day!
For Immediate release: Pray-for-Atheists Day planned
(ACPA-Jerusalem) Rival Christian, Muslim and Jewish groups came together in a press conference in Jerusalem today, to announce that September 30th will be the first annual, "International Pray For Atheists Day." Each religious group is calling on its followers to set aside three hours that day, to pray for the conversion of Atheists.
Imagine a World without Religion
"As shepherds to billions of sheep, we fear for those who refuse to join the herd," stated Bishop Francisco, public affairs representative for the Christians. "Of course, we acknowledge the terrible deeds inspired by religious faith. The crusades, the suicide bombers, and the denial of science. The persecution and marginalization of women over the centuries, the covering up of child abuse. Yes, yes, we are indeed sorry about all that. But, as awful as these things are, this intra-faith effort serves to remind us that nothing is worse than atheism - not even homosexuality. We must pray urgently and incessantly for Atheists. We need to stop them destroying the world before the end of the world."
New Sin Categories
To prevent different religions from neutralizing each others prayers, the world is being divided into major areas and each religion will pray for the conversion of atheists - and only atheists- in their assigned region.
"Yes, we have a strict ban on sneaking in prayers for conversion across religious lines. So, Christians should not pray to the Almighty that Muslims might convert to Christianity. The prayers have to be directed to Atheists," said an organizing spokesman. "Look, if they pray across the lines, we will have a bunch of Christians becoming Muslims and a bunch of Muslims becoming Christians, but still we will have the same number of Atheists."
However, each group can pray within inter-faith boundaries for members of a similar faith. Hence, Sixth Day Adventists can pray for the conversion of Seventh Day Adventist or Shiites can pray for the conversion of Sunnis. Similarly, Ultra-Orthodox Jews can pray for the conversion of Orthodox Jews, non-polygamous Mormons can pray for polygamous Mormons, and so on and so forth.
Special new sins have been created to deter against breaking the prayer-day restrictions, with punishments varying according to religious preference.
Christians face more years in Purgatory, Muslims will have an additional month of fasting and Jews will have to watch Yentil every Sunday for a year.
Despite the various restrictions, it's open season on Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens and all groups are permitted to target these infidels with special prayer bombs. Prayer policies towards Salman Rushdie, smirking satirical writers and those who read their work have yet to be agreed by the three groups.
A spokesperson for the Atheists Association could not be found, apparently he was struggling through Chapter 2 of "The God Delusion".
To join or start a prayer team in your area please call 1 999 463-3425.
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